How To Get Into Big Trouble
by bookcookie99
Summary: Charlie Claire Eaves leads a boring, average life. But when an odd package comes in the mail- with her name on it- her life gets crazy. She gets magically transported into her favorite book, Artemis Fowl. When she finds out she's stuck there, she has to make a decision- spend her life in her favorite book; or break out.
1. Chapter 1: I Get Mail

Chapter 1: I Get Mail

Oh, ok. I get it. The title of this chapter is a little off-putting. I know, who wants to read about me, Charlotte Claire Eaves, getting mail? But trust me. This story gets better.

Anyways, it all starts on a humid August morning in my own hometown of Sunflower, North Dakota. I was sitting on the porch swing, wishing firstly that it wasn't quite so hot, and secondly that my older sister Karen would hurry up and come home with the ice she'd promised to get. As a slender, dark-skinned, brown-haired girl of twelve, I was being extremely tan (some may call it burnt) and hoping that maybe something exciting would pop up in my driveway.

"Charlie!" called my mom from out the window. (Everyone calls me Charlie except my teacher, who insists on calling me Charlotte Claire. But that's a different story.) "Yes?" I call back, hoping that maybe she'll tell me I can go to the ice cream place. But no.

"Charlie, is the mail here yet? I have a very important letter coming from my boss."

"Nope, not yet."

Soon, the mail truck came sloping around the block and arrived at my house. The truck looked clunky every day, but today, it appeared shrunken and concaved, and the aged mailman who stepped out was the same.

"Mail's here," he said with a wheeze and a groan, like he was saying, _I hate my job._ He slid it into our mailbox, and slunk into his truck and drove away. I got the mail and brought it inside. As I rifled through the letters, I found a small package that I was _sure _hadn't been there before. And it was addressed to me.


	2. Chapter 2: Oh, Great

Chapter 2: Oh, Great

I opened the plain cardboard box. Inside was a strange device. It was seemingly pieced together with a mishmash of wood, steel, rubber, plastic, and tape. It was flat, and had two clips on one side. It didn't look very stable, and leaked purple sparks. I poked it, prodded it, and inspected it on my microscope. Finally, I found, underneath and unassuming square of plastic, a scrap of paper. It read:

The Transporter.

I fiddled with the paper in every way possible, but to no avail. Finally, I threw the Transporter onto my bed, where it landed on my favorite book, Artemis Fowl. I began to walk out of my room, when a metallic click filled the air. Whirling around, I saw the Transporter had somehow latched onto my book.

"Hey, get off of that!" I snapped, trying to pry it off. The clips stuck, though, and as I tussled with the book, it almost seemed alive, jerking and shuddering and the Transporter whirring and things breaking and we fell onto the floor, tumbling, and suddenly everything dissolved into white. It was just Artemis Fowl smirking at me from the cover, half covered by the Transporter. I looked around, but there wasn't much to see. Just white, white, and more white. I tried to jerk the little device off, as if that would fix everything, but it held fast. Sighing, I settled down and opened my book to a random page. All of a sudden, a swirling purple vortex opened up in front of me. I pushed away, looking for something, anything I could hold onto, but the hole sucked me in, and closed as quickly as it opened. I floated for perhaps an instant, and then, as fast moving as my favorite roller coaster, it flipped. I was tumbling headfirst into a hole. Colorful images zipped by, and the air was filled with a chorus of voices. _Like Alice in the rabbit hole, _I thought disjointedly. Then, the images disappeared into a starry sky, and instead of inky blackness beneath me, there was a boat. I fell into a not-so-soft bed of crates. After about five minutes, I got up, my whole body aching. _Where am I? _I looked around. The boat rocked gently on the waves. It smelled horrible. Like… like whales. Whaling ship. Book. Transporter. Artemis Fowl. My brain connected the dots. Was I… _in the book? _A slight heat haze entering a corridor confirmed my suspicions. It was Commander Root! It was page 104, chapter 5: Missing in Action! AHHHHH!

Even though Root was shielded, he was easy enough to track. I followed him silently, dodging into nooks and crannies when he looked around. In the middle of the corridor, I stopped. I knew what happened next. Artemis had placed Holly's locator in the room at the end of the corridor, along with an explosive. It went boom, and Commander Root escaped by the skin of his wings. I knew it, I should run, but I snuck down the corridor farther. Suddenly, Artemis's cold voice issued from the room at the end of the hall.

"Zero... BOOM!"

All other thoughts were thrown from my head. I ran. So what if the Commander saw me. Could I die inside a book? I didn't want to find out. I ended out at the corridor and dove behind a crate. I watched through a knothole, scared out of my wits, as a red blossom of flame squeezed through the door. I heard a splash and shot up. Root had jumped into the water. The ship… In the book, it went down in flames! I ran out of the pile of crates, leaped over the railing, and landed none too gracefully on the opposite side of the ship then Root. After swimming a distance away, bobbing in the freezing water, I watched the ship go down. Then, as Root shot off into the night sky, I began the long, wet, cold swim to shore.


	3. Chapter 3: No, I'm Not Crazy

Chapter Three: No, I'm Not Crazy

Sopping and frustrated, I climbed out of the water onto the dock, water gathering behind me. The enthralled people watching the sinking whaler paid no notice to a small dripping 12-year-old scampering across the pier. As I passed them, I got a whiff of the smell. The whaling area was as dirty and ugly as described in the book, with a strong smell of whales and blood. I got out of there quick as I could. Once safely in the fields, I sat against a tree and wondered what to do next. I was in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get anywhere. What should I do? Call the commander?

Suddenly, the enormity of the situation hit me like a sledgehammer to the brain. I was in Artemis Fowl. The book. I was inside a book. _Maybe I'm dreaming. _Nah, that wasn't true. In the movies, everyone always thinks they're dreaming, but of course they're not! Just to make sure, I pinched myself. Hard.

"Ow!" I squealed, flapping my arm around. Yep, definitely not a dream.

_Wait a minute. Hold the presses. _The Transporter! I scrabbled around in my jacket for it and the book. My hand grasped it and pulled the book-and-Transporter combo out. I stared at them for a minute and opened up the book to another random page. Nothing happened. I flipped the page again. Nothing. Flip. Nothing. Flip. Nothing. I collapsed at the foot of the tree, digging the heels of my palms into my cheeks. _Poof! _I straightened, looking for the source of the noise. Then I looked down. Artemis Fowl and the Transporter were dissolving into green sparks that were skittering across the grass.

"No!" I exclaimed, trying to catch what may have been my only chance at getting out of here. But it was gone. I slumped down against the tree and tried to think of a way to get somewhere- anywhere.

But- wait! In book 3, the Eternity Code! Artemis called a random number and said fairy-related words that would raise red flags on Foaly's computer, sending an officer to help! That was it! I trekked back to the dock and snuck into the center office. Tons of handheld phones sat carelessly on desks. I selected one small flip phone and smuggled it back to my tree. I mulled over what number to call. I quite obviously couldn't call any old number, for risk of exposing the fairies. Finally, I decided on my own number- for my phone at home. Would it work? I dialed it and it rung.

"Hi, um, this is Charlie, you must have missed me, leave a message please."

Yes! Quickly, I said into the receiver, trying to disguise my voice;

"Yeah, hi, this is… er… Charlotte, and fairies, or People, exist, they have a Book, there are elves and goblins and sprites and pixies like Opal Koboi, and they live underground in Haven. There's a police force called the LEP, Foaly is a technical genius, and there's a goblin gang called B'wa Kell, and… that's about it."

I hung up and waited.

15 minutes later, a heat haze landed in front of me. I rose and tried to look as friendly as possible. I put my hands in the air. "Um… I'm Charlie and…"

The heat haze growled and said, "What is _wrong _with you Mud Whelps today?"

I froze, because it was a voice I knew. It was Commander Root again.

"Commander Root, I mean no harm to the People. I just… need a lift."

"Oh, I'll give you a lift, Mud Girl. A lift to the LEP mind-wiping station."

I could imagine his face getting redder.

_How am I going to get out of this one?_

"Commander, just take me back to base and I'll explain how I know all this. And how I know all about Artemis Fowl."

I'm sure that stopped the commander.

"You're coming with me, Mud Maid."

I smiled, but that was before the edge of a tri-barreled water-cooled blaster came out and shot me on the shoulder, and everything went fuzzy, then black.

I could faintly hear voices. First a horsey kind of tone… Foaly!

"She's out for the count."

Then Commander Root's gravelly bass,

"I was aiming for the leg."

"Well, you missed."

"I was shielding!"

"She _is _kinda pretty, for a human."

Then Foaly and the commander,

"Chix!"

"I said kinda!"

I sat up, head aching.

"She's up."

I looked around. I was in a sort of makeshift interrogation room. Surrounding me were Commander Root, Foaly, and Chix Verbil. Root flicked on a light.

"Where am I?" I asked, mystified.

"Right outside the Fowl Manor time-stop!" exclaimed Chix, which caused the commander to turn rose, yell obscene words for a minute, and usher Chix out of the room.

Root returned. "Now, how do you know about the People?"

So I explained most of the story to them, but I said that, well, I'm a time traveler who's from the future, where books have been written about Artemis Fowl, and I know everything about everything Artemis Fowl. After I finish, Root and Foaly gawked.

"You were on the whaler?" asked Root finally.

"Yes."

"You know everything about Fowl?"

"Yes."

"You're breaking into Fowl Manor to save my officer."

"Yes- wait, WHAT?"

"You heard me. Cudgeon is prepping to bio-bomb now. If you can go in without losing magic, then you're our girl."

I rolled my eyes. "And what if I don't want to do it?"

"Then we mind-wipe you and send you to Kenya."

"I can't break in that manor alone!"

Root sighed, snapped his fingers, and a pungent stench filled the room. Escorted by two LEP officers, Mulch Diggums walked into the room. I gaped.

"Mulch?"

He squirmed.

"Who's the Mud Maid?"

Root scowled at him, obviously angry that he had to deal with a lowdown prisoner.

"She's your partner, and no whining about your job, convict, or I'll put 50 years in the Deeps on your sentence."

Foaly whinnied.

"The LEP hiring a Mud Maid and a convict. Who would've thought?"

"Yes, and that's why no one else can hear of this. If the Council found out, I'd be sunk."

Foaly nodded and equipped me and Mulch with iris-cams, brown for him, green for me.

Root approached us and said, "I wouldn't even dream of bringing in you two unless I was desperate, which I am. Now, your mission is to scope out the place, find his source of information, and possibly eliminate it and him."

I nodded and Root took us out back.

"Stand back," Root advised.

Mulch unhinged his jaw and chewed down through the earth. I followed down uncertainly.

Oh, great.


	4. I Officially Break And Enter

Chapter 4: I Officially Break And Enter

"Mfffghmal fah fooh bbfhlw," said Mulch cheerfully through a mouthful of soil as he churned along.

"What?" I yelled, hardly able to hear myself over the throbbing chomp of earth between teeth.

He ceased his digging and let out a last squib of air.

"I said, 'We're almost to the wine cellar,' Mud Maid."

I sighed, annoyed. "No need to call me that. Now, how close are we exactly?"

He licked a bit of soil off the tunnel wall.

"Hmm. About .2 klicks northwest, I'd say. This clay is amazing! California red, I believe. 1992 at the latest. A tad overbearing, but still good. Would you like to try some?"

I backed away cautiously. "No thanks. I'm on a diet that doesn't include… um… dirt."

"You don't know what you're missing, you non-soil-eating creatures. Now let's go."

.2 klicks later, I heard the sickening sound of stone-hard teeth hitting wood. A minute later, Mulch- and by extension me- burst through the floor into the wine cellar.

"We're here," he said proudly, looking at his handiwork on the floors.

"You don't say," I muttered, brushing dust, splinters, and dirt off my ruined shirt.

"Let's go."

Fowl Manor was like a maze of passages and doors. Everywhere you turned, two more hallways and a security camera waited for you. Foaly's loop kept us unseen, but I knew that wouldn't last for long.

"So, tell me about the future. Do I ever get a girlfriend? What happened to Cousin Nord on the 76th charge? What's the trending color of the future?" Mulch asked hopefully.

"I don't care, I don't know, and plaid. Now shut up and hurry," I snapped at him, not wanting to run into trouble, or worse, Butler.

Finally, Mulch peeked into an imposing door and motioned for me to follow. I went inside and immediately noticed a painting on the wall. "It's in there," I hissed.

"Wait, what is? If you're from the future and know everything, you should remember what's inside."

"It's a copy of the Book, which Artemis got from dealing with an alcoholic sprite. I just remembered."

Which was true.

"Oh really? And how do you know that?"

I whirled around. That wasn't Mulch's voice. In the shadowed doorway, there stood a figure. A figure not much taller then me, with raven-black hair and an Armani suit.

Artemis Fowl.

I stood there gaping. It was the boy I'd dreamed about for years. _Him. _The subject of so many girls' hearts. And he was standing right in front of me! An unconscious shiver ran down my back.

"Um… hi," I started nervously. "We're here because… WATCH OUT!"

I said that last bit because Mulch, next to me, was aiming his posterior at Artemis. No, not Artemis. The shadowy person next to him. Butler! I stumbled out of the way, partly because I didn't trust Mulch's aim, and partly because I wanted to see Butler better.

Butler was exactly how the book described him: huge, shaved, and fierce. But under those harsh features, I could see the sentimentality that made him so likeable.

Ah, whom am I kidding? I didn't see any sentimentality. Just a big gun. Artemis also stepped out of the way, alarmed, while Mulch fired. But- wait- he fired in the wrong direction! His aim was… oh no… backwards. He made his wind like a rocket, shooting him out the wall into another, safer part of the house. Leaving me, his partner, behind.

Artemis looked at me critically. "I assume you have allied yourself with the fairies?"

While I was mulling over my response, Butler flicked his gun up and then everything went black again.

I woke up in a cement holding room. Groggily, I looked up. A blinking red light stared me in the face. Security cameras.

I whistled loudly in the general direction of the cameras.

"Hey, genius boy! Got your attention now, didn't I? Let me out! I have no magic! I'm not from the LEP! What do you want?"

Artemis's voice issued from a radio concealed somewhere.

"I am very preoccupied at the moment, so I would highly appreciate if you were quiet for the time being."

I fumed. "YOU'RE asking ME to be quiet? I will _not _be quiet! I don't care about a word you say, and I'll keep on talking until you let me out!"

So I did. I sat down on my bead defiantly and started talking. I talked mostly about useless things, things that would annoy Artemis but not provoke him. Finally, when my throat was getting dry and my voice cracked, there was an electronic squeal and a whine, and the speakers crackled off.

I softly began speaking, not animatedly enough that Artemis would notice, but not too quietly either.

"Charlie- err, Mud Girl, to base. Artemis caught us, Mulch bailed, and now I'm stuck. I'd really appreciate some help," I muttered.

A minute later, Foaly's rough voice came in. "All right, Mud Girl. Artemis was clever- he found most of our bugs- but not as clever as me. I obviously still have your iris-cam and your throat mike. That's good."

"Get to the point!" I hissed. "How do I get out of here?"

"Ok, ok. First, you take out your iris-cam."

I did so.

"Next, blow gently on the inside. That'll reawaken some of the megabytes and allow me to-''

I blew and cut him off. "Foaly, we don't have time for this."

"I'm logging into your data system now. It's not attached, but I can activate self-destruct."

"Why would you do that?"

"Just place it by the wall nearest the security camera and wait."

I did and stood back nervously. A millisecond later, a red explosion blossomed out of the camera and the wall fell down like a child's stack of blocks."

"A little nitprogeniten fluid goes a long way, it seems," Foaly chuckled in my ear. I didn't bother to ask what nitprogeniten fluid was.

Instead, I slipped out of the gaping hole, making my way to wherever Artemis's study was.

The genius boy should've watched out, because I was coming.


End file.
